Introduction: Grey

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uscatlolita

Hallow in her natural habitat during our first Lolita meet

Hello my name is Grey, I am the emotional center of our system and am filling in for Nami. I tend to be more quiet and shy then my siblings, but I will try to find some nice things to say. My role largely has to do with helping and supporting others. I love being around others and being there for them, including the others within our system. I’m not the best with dealing with conflict, but I really want make people as happy as I can 🙂 I love being able to make people happy, and feel safe and loved.

I tend to do great with people I know and sometimes do alright with small groups, but I have a lot of trouble with larger groups and parties. I have the most anxiety out of all are system, and I always hide when I’m overwhelmed. Life takes a lot out of me, and I’m glad I have others to support me. I tend to come out not as often as some of the others, but I always try to be as helpful as possible when I am around. Really love helping others, especially our younger members or when people are in distress.

I choose my name based on a number of things. Grey is my favourite colour and I love grey animals. My favourite animals include rabbits, grey foxes, and wolves. Oddly enough the others associate me with a grey wolf, despite my shy nature. I do wish I could get prosthetic fangs and a cute tail and ear set, though I am not getting at least the fangs due to budget and because I want to respect others in the body. I also love earl grey tea which is full of bergamot flavour. This could be because I am extremely loyal and kind to those I want to protect, and a grey asexual.

I enjoy ink painting and poetry, as well as music which is a lot of fun. My favourite music sytyles are jazz and blues, though I generally just listen to what the others want to hear which is also fun. I tend like quiet activities like reading and watching films (as long as they aren’t too scary =^>^=) My favourite types of meals are either tea and muffins, or cheeses. My favourite anime shows include Habiane Renmei, Sailor Moon, any Miyazaki movie, Rurouni Kenshin, Princess Tutu, Kokoro Connect, Bamboo blade, and Spice and Wolf.

I’m sorry I don’t have as much to say as the others and it has taken so long, but I hope you find my post interesting =^>^=,

Grey

Kitsune’s what anime character is the system list (part 1)

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us7

Raven before her trip to Daiso

Hi everyone, I know it has taken me a while to post again so here is an extra special post to make up for it (that no one asked for and might not be wanted lol) In this list I will be taking tally of what character from various anime series we as a system are most like according to a bunch of quizzes, and the character I personally identify with. I hope that you enjoy this, and feel free to leave a comment asking about a specific series I can cover in my next list lol.

Sailor Moon

(Me-Mars)

Mercury-1234

Venus? (how)-1

Luna-12

Pluto-12

Jupiter-1

Tuxedo Kamen-12

Mars-12

Mimet-1

Neptune-12

Madoka

(Me-Kyoko)

Homura-123456

Sayaka-1

Mami-12

Madoka-1

Rrurouni Kenshin

(me-Megumi)

Kaoru Kamiya-123

Himura Kenshin-12

Megumi-12

Seta Soujirou-1

Yahiko?-1

Tomoe-1

Dragon ball z

(me-Yamcha)

Krillin-1234

Goku-1

Piccolo-1

Future Trunks-1

chiaotzu-1

Bulma-1

Andriod 18-1

Spice and Wolf

(Me-Holo)

Holo (obviously)-12

Ranma 1/2

(me:Shampoo)

Genma?!-1

Kodachi-12

Kuno?!-1

Ukyo-12

Akane-12

Shampoo-123

Ryoga-12

Katsumi-1

Hunter X hunter

(me-Menchi)

Kurapika-12345

Menchi 1

Gon- 1

All anime

(Me-What do think? Answer in the comments =^>^=)

Juvia (Fairy Tail)-1

 

 

 

 

Reflection

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smiling-fox3

A picture from me to lighten the mood a bit- Kitsune

I’m starting to realize and come to terms with some of my limitations, and how Nami must have felt and why she may have been so upset. It is hard to admit that there are things you cannot do, and more importantly that it is alright to feel these things. Each day tires us so much, I complain at times and at others worry about hiding these feeling or that we are too negative sounding. I try to pass my disabilities off as not serve in comparison to others who have more visible disabilities, but I’m fooling no one other then myself and doing all parties a disservice. A part of me wants to believe my problems are easily manageable, so that the others including those in my system are not worried about me or others within our system. This type of thought also is fueled by naive concept that if I just work hard enough and think my way through my problems that I can resolve all of them, so that I have a means of control over my issues. I want to help others, but similar to Nami I am not taking great pains to care for myself or admit that my feelings and struggles are valid. Ironically I have invested so much in being disabled, disability advocacy and activism, and yet have been in denial about how my disabilities effect me. It isn’t even that I struggle to acknowledge the presence of my disabilities or that I am in denial about have disabilities, but I am realizing that I do try to deny how they effect me and our system. It is sudden and confusing bursts of emotion like I just experienced right now that really shake me into a sharp awareness that I have major struggles and need support, and need to be honest about these feelings. It awakens me to why we sometimes don’t feel ready to go to larger events, don’t know how to talk to other people, worry about how others perceive us, and to how much I rely on the others support me and how much we support each other in order to function. I need to be better at being vulnerable, rather then seeing myself as someone who is always strong, and who will organize everything all the time and have all the answers.

I’m glad I have Grey present with me and that she is supporting me right now so much. I don’t give her enough credit for having that vulnerability I lack.

Blessed be,

Raven

Life update: Nami is taking a break

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madokatired

I’m sorry to post such bad news, however things haven’t been good at all at the moment. Rose who is another part of our system was fronting in order to bake a cake recipe she wanted to try and apparently kept drawing up terrible tarot cards through out the night including, 3, 5, 10 swords, the devil and death cards, in more then 7 picks. Things got much worse though after the cake was made and right before we were trying to sleep.

According to Rose Nami started to manifest extremely strong feelings of pain and hopelessness. She told Rose she no longer wanted to be here, and was done caring about living or her dreams. She told Rose she was only living now in order to help others and was getting just about nothing positive out of life. Personally I see this at least for her as worse then self harm, because it is a sign that she doesn’t care enough to even want to feel anything or look for attention of any sort. She then told Rose that she wanted Rose to replaced her, which terrified and hurt Rose even more then was previously the case. Rose doesn’t feel ready or willing to take on Nami’s role or place, and it was at this pointy that I stepped in to help her.

At first Nami was very argumentative and angry with me, something I have never experienced from her since she is generally more gentle. I think she felt my exceptions and how I was trying to organize the system was too straining her for, which I thought while not a good sign at least meant she was feeling something other then overwhelming sadness and apathy about life. I believe she feels most of all though angry at herself for all her limitations and for feeling like she isn’t capable of making connections with people and feeling scared of others. It appears though that she felt guilty after yelling at me and disappeared, now I cannot reach her.

Normally I would try to deal with such personal matters with close local friends or on my own if possible, but I am honestly unused and unprepared to deal with this issue and it is important I think to be honest about how troubling it is for us as a system. I don’t know how to properly balance the system without her, and am worried about having some way to support and show her love and give her hope. At the moment I have appointed Grey as our emotional center till I can find a better solution. I will have Grey do an introduction soon for everyone soon. She is a very wise person, despite being fragile and if I can make things easier it could perhaps help her a lot. Despite it being challenging I will try to better reach out to friends and put less pressure on Grey. If there is any help you can provide to me, Grey, Rose, Nami, or  any of the others I would greatly appreciate it.

Blessed be,

Raven

Introduction: Raven

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us4

Us in Western Massachusetts, I love the environment

Hello everybody my name is Raven, I am the last of the major three primary alters. I tend to be described as the organizer and intellectual of our system. My job is make sure everyone is taken care of and given affirmation. It is a difficult job particularly for someone of my age which is around ten to twelve years younger then the body, however I think I manage my job fairly well. I tend to take my work and jobs very seriously, but I also enjoy reading, movies and games involving a lot of clever writing. I also tend to hold my system to very high standards, due to the fact that I know they are capable of so much.

My favourite books include exploring the human condition and answering my many questions about obscure topics. I am filled with a burning desire to learn that can never be quenched. I am interested in making educated choices about the type of person I am seeking to be. I want to be someone who has made her decisions for herself, because I very much value independence and freedom of thought. Wicca and Eastern forms of religion and philosophy are of major interest to me, due to the fact that they involve exploring the self and working to change and balance the world I live in. I want to make an impact on the world around me and within me.

I am still seeking out a position where I can have that sort of impact. While I know working may be difficult for us, I constantly enjoy being busy. One of the challenges I face as someone much younger then my body is a sense of vertigo. My body feels far too tall and large for someone of my age. This makes it hard to move around and creates an additional clumsiness the others do not face. I have a lot of plans for us and for where ever we are hired. I also want a job in order keep us out of a hospital and away from additional therapists who would more then likely be lacking a understanding of our system and possibly do more harm.

I find the general theories mental health professionals have for Dissociative Identity Disorder such as it being a form of maladaptive day dreaming and the stereotype given that all systems need professional assistance and integration, reductive and insulting. Our system exists for a purpose, to protect and support each other through feelings that without our multiplicity would honestly be damaging and life threatening. While being a multiple is a challenge, I prefer the concept of a balanced communication approach rather then others which could possibly lead to dangerous and unhealthy results. It is our system which protects our lives and allows us to deal with the many stresses we are faced with. To take away our autonomy, and stigmatize and condemn our individuality would only lead further pain and struggling.

To wrap this up post up in a similar format to Nami’s previous post, a few notes about me. I am completely asexual, unlike the others. I consider myself an academic, and am currently in the process of trying to process a major writing project with the others researching fandom or LGBTQIA studies. I tend to like a more dark Gothic style. I have been trying to find outfits that suit the personality of each of the others. I prefer the quiet and working alone generally. I enjoy rose and Earl Grey teas. I also enjoy poetry, particularly Haiku’s which I write time to time. Anime works I would advise seeing include Cowboy bebop, Mushishi, Ghost in the shell, Princess Mononke, and Mononoke.

Until next time keep it weird and blessed be,

Raven

Introduction (Nami)

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ushat3

Raven really loves this silly hat, even if it isn’t October

Hello everyone, it is really surprising to see that you all enjoyed Kitsune’s post so much. As she mentioned in her introduction my name is Nami, I am one of the main alters within our system and typically the one who is most emotionally invested in things. I tend to be described by others as a quiet listener, and often am mistaken as the singular host, because of my more polite and gentle personality and that I am often most likely to work with others who we don’t disclose to. As an empath I care very much for my friends and my system, while still trying and hopefully not failing to be a fun person. It can sometimes be a real drain and struggle for me to keep track of things, while at the same time dealing with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I also often struggle with body dysphoria issues and lack of healthcare services to get the help I need, and am in many cases I am not treated with the same respected and loved as cisgender able-minded people are. These struggles make it a challenge for me to be able to go see my friends, because I often am lacking transportation or energy due to depression, and I often struggle with the feeling that I am not good enough person or fun enough as result. Most often though my problems center around the worry I have that many of my friends don’t really want to see me, and that many people I know have been turned off to me or the others. I do my best to love and support those around me and who share the body, and to get over these feelings. I am really glad I have others to help with some of these struggles as well, which has made me feel less alone =^>^= (our happy emoji modelled after a fox)

I think a lot of our more recent struggles are also linked right now to a desire find work, but the lack of opportunities that have been provided to us. Despite having a masters degree in Library and Information Science from UCLA and being very active in community activism and volunteer work, we have largely denied opportunities due to job based discrimination, a lack of interest in openly disabled and younger people by workplace, and the narrow fields we have looking into. It has been a challenge to even finding part time job within libraries, archives, grant writing, or doing transgender, LGBTQIA, or disability based community work and activism. Not having a job has put a lot of pressure on my ability to have essential money, get places, or spend time with friends (doing activities can be costly). The worst issues I have had though is the feeling of purposelessness not working has caused and the lack of medical coverage I need.

Despite the many conflicts we as a system face from not having a job, discrimination, and our disabilities I really do want to do my best so that I can to make the world a better place, and as well as to support my friends the best I can. I am very much invested in working within community spaces on social justice projects even without pay, and have tried to dedicate my life to helping others in need. Often I am told especially by Kitsune that I am wasting or mismanaging my time on large mostly unpaid projects and the needs of others, and that I should be more concerned with self care, making friends, and taking time of pursue other things while we have the time. It has been a real struggle though not to place my personal value on the work I do, it feels like I am not accomplishing anything when I am not doing any sort of work and that I should be putting others with similar or greater struggles first. I really feel that community is vitally important to me as a person, and I don’t really share Kitsune’s distrust in others or Raven intense need for personal space, though sometimes I feel that both might have a point when it comes to my need to take care of myself better.

Lately because of all the free time I have I’ve been seeking meaning, and reflecting a lot on what sort of interests I have as a person. I have in the last year really tried as much as I can to make myself and my needs a priority. While I still desperately want a relationship, with the help with the others I have really develop a desire to have a higher standard when it comes to romantic relationships, rather then just accepting almost anyone identifying as a woman who would ask (thus far only other transgender women and cisgender men have asked  😦 ((I’d also like cisgender women to ask sometime)). While I am trying to be flexible, it has been important to me to seek out a partner who has similar interests, and who will love me for who I am and respect my system and flaws, rather then relying on a specific trait such as sexually to form a relationship (hence why we are mostly all asexual). It has become more important and empowering to me and our system to wait, rather then having a relationship for the sake of feeling we that we need one to be worthwhile and has overall helped some with my low self confidence.

To move on to more positive and relaxed questions, thoughts, and comments; as Kitsune said before I adore foxes. They are amazing animals, and their personality traits tend to match ups with many of my traits (or at least I hope they do). I see myself and foxes as often shy, clever, unique, cute, and a bit clumsy. As a means of change I have also really gotten into Wicca lately, and exploring the gods and goddesses, spells and herbs along with the rest of the system. We tend to take notes and Raven loves to make plans for some very interesting projects such as collecting rose petals or wanting to make and decorate wind chimes. Along with tea I also really enjoy cooking, and have been getting into making more things lately particularly curries and spicy food. I also adore Japanese snacks, with my favourites currently being the large round rice crackers, but I also adore other Japanese dishes such vegetarian sushi, mori soba, ramen, miso soup and mochi. I’ve also been doing my best to study Japanese language lately. Our first and still favourite game system is our Sega genesis model one with a headphone port, though we don’t really play video games often. In addition to anime we love all sorts of cartoons and puppet shows growing up on them including Looney Tones, Powerpuff girls, Dexter’s lab, Teen Titans, Batman the animated series, Samurai Jack, Sesame Street and the Muppets, Wallace and Gromit, Adventure Time, Avatar and the Legend of Korra, and most recently Steven’s Universe. Our father is a professor of English whose research and teaching focuses upon comic books and children’s literature, and my mother is transitional councillor for disabled and neurodiverse students at Los Angeles Unified school district. Five anime works I love and would recommend are Princess Mononoke, Metropolis, Cowboy Bebop, Wolf’s Rain, and Haibane Renmei. As with Kitsune please feel free to leave comments or questions for me.

Until next time keep it weird and blessed be,

Nami

Intro (Kitsune)

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funnyus

Us being silly in Lolita

I’m terrible at introductions so I guess I’ll just get this out of the way. First off I’ll answer some very basic questions that my readers (or wishful thinking that I will have readers at least lol) might have about why I look and act the way I do (or will have once we blog enough). First off I guess it is important for me to point out that I am one of right now five more then different people (multiples/personalities/alters or whatever you’d like to call them) inhabiting a single body (I’ll have them create introductions personal as well when the time comes and if they are willing). I am one of three dominant people for the body including the teenage/young adult intellectual Raven, the formal, caring, and anxious person Nami, along with two more minor the mysterious, knowing, and negative Rain and my bubbly sexual kind of sister with an English accent Nadia. I’m a protector (I guess) who is usually described as a fun loving nihilist or a pissed off cynic who hates and distrusts people (not so much individuals ((though I do hate a lot individuals too)), as people in general). We are somewhat conscious of each other sometimes, and work together for the most part other then Rain which seems to have her own agenda (one I’d rather not know about). Also to kind of go along with the mental health theme we do have depression, PTSD, and anxiety (especially Nami).

Major point number two to answer your other potentially big question, yes we are transgender, grey asexuals (except Nadia) and lesbians (or as many of the others put it homo-romantic asexuals). And before you ask no I will not be answering private personal questions (unless I feel like it or it applies to something else) or be arguing about it. It isn’t a “choice,”, I’m a woman, moving on.

Now that this out of the way I can get into the other really important questions about me and the place where I can talk about foxes, tea, and books (my life passions). Yes I love foxes, they are the love of my and Nami’s life too ❤ We adore them so much, they are really amazing!!! (Yes I know this is weird, but “normal,” is so dull) They are such adorable, amazing animals, and it feels like I have a real spiritual connection with them. In our social media page we post fox pictures constantly, have fox stuffed animals and toys, and we love all kinds of foxes (as well as Manned wolves and Coyotes). As mentioned above we also adore teas, especially flower teas and I also love white tea as well. We have a huge tea collection with all sorts of yummy teas we love to drink, as well as a number of tea sets.

The thing we have the most of though is books of all sorts. We have boxes and boxes of books, with special attention paid to Japanese literature such as books of manga, Japanese literary classics, language and culture (we also love anime), as well as LGBTQIA topics that Nami and Raven love to read about, mostly non-monotheistic books on philosophy and religion (Raven loves reading about these topics), and media theory and content (which is another one of Raven’s favourites subjects). While we are picky about what we read, when I see something we would like I just have to buy it =^>^=

Other things worth noting and random facts are that we identify as a Wiccan, as well as with Zen Buddhist, Shinto, and Taoist teaching and philosophy. We are all single =^>-= We play Shakuhachi, many types of non-western drums, atatembe, and mbira. We have two amazing cats Mr.Kittens (Max), and Mewmews (Rosy), and live with our parents in Southern California due to being broke (I miss seeing the stars and the forests of the North East United States 😦 ). We have a master’s degree in Library and Information Science, but no job or car. The hardest game we have ever beaten was Ghouls N’ Ghost for Sega Genesis (don’t ask me how though I was really young). My name means fox in Japanese. We identify as femmes and are really into gothic (my favourite) and lolita (Nami’s fav.) fashion to help support self esteem and a sense of shared individuality. Five anime films and series I love are Sailor Moon, Princess Tutu, Cowboy Bebop, Porco Rosso, and Princess Jellyfish.

I hope that covers many questions, but please feel free to post additional questions or details you want me or the others to cover in the comments,

Until next time keep it weird and blessed be,

Kitsune (the cute one)